


I Keep Getting Scared (If We Can Love Each Other)

by kths



Series: Domestic AU [2]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Appa Jaebum, Break Up, Eomma Jinyoung, Explicit Language, M/M, Minor Violence, SPOILER: they work things out, i don't think it's THAT bad though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 02:56:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8693683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kths/pseuds/kths
Summary: He sat back, letting his head fall against the headrest as he drew a shaky breath in. The pain in his chest was prominent in that moment, stabbing through flesh and muscle and making him bleed out until there was hardly nothing left. 
Because Jaebum was his heart, and he was currently the one ripping it out of his chest.
(or, Jinyoung and Jaebum have a fight. Jinyoung hurts and Jaebum regrets.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Well hello, we meet again. It's been forever since I posted part one of this universe, and I'm sorry it took me so long to post this. It was a prompt that I received from a couple people, and I just couldn't seem to get it right. In fact, I still don't know if it's as good as I wanted it to be. It was never supposed to be this long but I guess I just got carried away. 
> 
> If you get all the way through this mess, I applaud you. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: This does contain very slight violence (if you can count it as that), and a somewhat vague description of an anxiety attack. If this bothers you, please do not read. It also is all about an argument - if things like that also bother you, I suggest you do not read it. 
> 
> Title is taken from: If - GOT7
> 
> THIS HAS NOT BEEN EDITED (well. not really.) ANY AND ALL MISTAKES ARE MY OWN. If you see something truly horrendous in here, I apologize.

It had been building up for a while now, Jinyoung supposes. 

He can’t say that he’s really surprised, all things considered. He and Jaebum had been together far too long for them to not have little spats every now and then, but it almost always blew over as quickly as they came. 

It always started off small, Jaebum telling him to lose the attitude when Jinyoung had made one too many sarcastic remarks or Jinyoung telling Jaebum he’s an asshole after he gave him the cold shoulder yet again. Relationships wouldn’t be healthy if they didn’t contain at least a little bit of disagreement every now and then, that’s what he had always been told. 

Yet this time, it seemed different. The way that Jaebum looked at him was in nothing more than utter annoyance, like Jinyoung did nothing but crawl under his skin. This had caused an obvious setback in the way the household ran, seeing as Jaebum kept coming home from work later and later and wouldn’t talk to anyone when he did, and Jinyoung had retreated into himself instead of looking after anyone else. 

The kids were beginning to worry, Jinyoung knew this. They had to prod at him in order to get him to ask his usual nagging questions, and BamBam had literally pushed up under his hand so that he would run his fingers through his hair while they were watching a movie, something he usually did without a second thought. 

That was one of the things that bothered him the most, actually. The kids. Jinyoung felt a certain protectiveness over the three of them as if they really did belong to him, and to see them so upset partly because of him was devastating. He had tried to tell them it was okay, that he and Appa just hadn’t seen much of each other so they were a little tense. 

The lie wasn’t believable to any of them. 

Jinyoung cared about Jaebum, he really did, that much he was sure of. But he didn’t understand what had happened, where they had started to go wrong. Jaebum had always been his rock, his savior and love and all of that other cheesy stuff he tried his best not to say out loud. To have to sit back and watch as he grew more and more distant without an exact answer as to why was heart wrenching to him. He had tried talking to Jaebum on more than one occasion, but it almost always ended in the door being slammed in Jaebum’s face and him having to sleep on the couch for the night. 

It was dysfunctional and it was hurting all seven of them, even Mark and Jackson. He knew that they couldn’t keep on like this, but he didn’t know what else he could do.

So he did the only thing that he could think of. He waited.

*

It all came to a head on the night of Yugyeom’s dance showcase. 

Yugyeom had been buzzing about it for weeks, reminding the family nearly everyday how many days left until it was finally here. He was the last act to go on, and Jinyoung couldn’t help but to brag on the fact that he was obviously the best, which was why they waited to show him until the very end. Yugyeom spent every second that he could either practicing at the studio or inside of his and BamBam’s room, dancing until he was dripping with sweat and one of the hyungs made him take a break.

Jinyoung was currently pushing a full cart out of a grocery store and to his car on the day of the showcase, humming idly under his breath. He already knew there would be a celebration afterwards, and he wanted to make sure that he had enough food that everyone could eat as much as they wanted of what they wanted, which was why he deemed it appropriate to go to the store. He had already finished his work today, seeing as he worked as an editor for a magazine through his home, but Jaebum was still at his job at the office, everyone else waiting at home.

Which reminded him that he should really talk to Jaebum. 

The two hadn’t had much in way of a conversation for the last few days, maybe a few glances here and there but nothing extraordinary. It seemed to be mutual that they decided to ignore each other for the time being, though Jinyoung couldn’t fully understand why this was or what he had done to cause this.

Regardless, he felt that it would be better to contact his boyfriend of many years, just to be sure he remembered that tonight was a big night and that he needed to get home from work as quickly as possible. 

After loading the bags into the back of the car, Jinyoung got into the driver seat and pulled his phone out, deciding that now was as good of a time as any. He knew Jaebum’s schedule, and by glancing at the clock on the dashboard, knew that he’d most likely be on his lunch right then. 

The phone rang a total of five times before the line picked up on the other end, and even when it did, it was quiet for a few moments. Jinyoung wondered if Jaebum had looked at the caller ID before he answered, if that was why he was being so hesitant. The thought made his stomach drop to the floor of the car. 

“Jaebum-ah?” He said softly, free hand gripping onto the steering wheel for lack of anything better to do. He couldn’t see Jaebum, couldn’t read the look on his face, but he still felt scrutinized. Their relationship had never been this tense before, and it would be a lie to say he wasn’t just a little bit scared because of that fact. 

There was rustling on the other line, a few beats of silence, and then, “Now really isn’t the time, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung really should have seen it coming.

It was never the time anymore, was it? Anytime he felt he had something he needed to say to his hyung, he was immediately shot down. It hurt, especially because Jinyoung had always craved care and attention and Jaebum never had a problem with that before. 

Jinyoung swallowed all those words and thoughts down in an audible gulp. Now really wasn’t the time for that. 

“I won’t be long, hyung, I just wanted to-” Jinyoung started, but was cut off by Jaebum on the other end. 

“I said now wasn’t the time. I’m busy. I’m working, some people do that. Whatever this is, it can wait for home.” Jaebum said, voice low and icy and Jinyoung would be damned if it didn’t have him shaking slightly in his seat from fear. 

Silence carried between them for a few long seconds. Jaebum was upset, that much was obvious, but he wasn’t sure what at. Jinyoung, he was growing upset too. Why should I be treated like this? He thought, fingers tightening around the steering wheel until his knuckles were growing white. 

“Fine, asshole. I just wanted to remind you of Yugyeom’s showcase tonight. He’s counting on you to be there.” Jinyoung snapped, quickly lowering his phone from his ear and hanging up before he could hear a proper response. 

He sat back, letting his head fall against the headrest as he drew a shaky breath in. The pain in his chest was prominent in that moment, stabbing through flesh and muscle and making him bleed out until there was hardly nothing left. 

Because Jaebum was his heart, and he was currently the one ripping it out of his chest.  
*  
Jinyoung’s foot tapped against the floor as he waited in his seat that was right in the middle of the auditorium, allowing himself the perfect view of the stage. On one side of him was Jackson and Mark, the other was BamBam and Youngjae. 

Jaebum had yet to show up.

There was a total of twelve performers that night, and eight of them had already gone. Jinyoung had tried to argue with himself that Jaebum wouldn’t miss this, wouldn’t do that to Yugyeom when the man had grown such a soft spot for the overgrown child.

He was starting to doubt that now, though. 

His eyes flicked down to his watch as the lights dimmed and the music started up, signalling yet another performer was beginning. Nine down now, only two more before it was Yugyeom’s turn. Jaebum should have been out of work by now, he should be here. He should be here.

Jinyoung kept repeating the sentence in his head as if it would make him appear at his side. It never did.

Ninth performer done, five minute break before tenth performer went on. Jinyoung couldn’t tell if the way his palms were sweating was from nerves for Gyeommie or anger towards Jaebum. He figured it could be a bit of both. 

By the time the tenth performer got done, Jinyoung was shifting in his seat, glancing over his shoulder and looking around the auditorium in the off chance that the older man would show up. BamBam noticed this and reached over the armrest to wrap a hand around his bicep, effectively grounding him for at least a short moment. He turned his attention back to the stage, reaching up to pat Bam’s hand a few times and then let it idly rest there. 

Lights go down, eleventh performer is on. 

The routine goes by in a blur, and Jinyoung wished that he could say he paid attention to at least a little bit of it, but that would be a lie. He was a ball of emotions, a bomb that was ticking down the seconds until it exploded. The hurt he was feeling, not only for himself but now for his boys too, was indescribable, turning into anger and making his brain fuzzy. 

He was going to absolutely kill Im Jaebum. 

“Eomma, it’s Gyeommie’s turn now!” BamBam whispered to him, and Jinyoung snapped himself out his trance in order to force a smile on his face and nod to the younger boy, eyes turning to the stage as the audience waited for him to come out and begin his routine.

He pretended not to notice when the two maknaes beside him shot each other a worried look. 

For now, he decided to give his full attention to Yugyeom. This was his day, anyway, and no matter how mad Jinyoung may be, the pride he felt for the other boy was impeccable. He was going to allow himself this moment. 

Closing his eyes and counting to ten, Jinyoung forced himself to focus on only the other boy, on watching him and all that he worked for. He was going to be happy, because this was supposed to be a happy day, and he would be damned if he let anyone ruin it. 

When the lights went down this time, Jinyoung set up straighter in his seat, subtly pulling out his phone and turning on the camera. He switched it to video and pressed the record button, holding his phone to the stage as the lights came back on and revealed Yugyeom in the middle.

Jinyoung felt himself smile, heart swelling in pride. This was his boy, his first child as he sometimes liked to joke, and it was easy to pretend like nothing bad was happening when he was watching him do something that he loved. 

The dance routine Yugyeom did was complicated, his body moving in ways that Jinyoung knew he could never do. It was some R’n’B song blaring through the speakers, fast but not terribly so, and the dance was just sexy enough to have Jinyoung wondering if he should scold the boy about it later. By the end of it, Yugyeom was panting for air, sweat shining on his face and collarbones.

Jinyoung was the first one out of his seat, stopping the recording and slipping his phone into his pocket in order to clap for the other boy. It didn’t take long for the rest of the family to stand up either, and then it was the whole auditorium. “Go Gyeommie! That’s my brother!” Jackson shouted out, and Jinyoung felt his heart swell up even more in response. 

Maybe Jaebum wasn’t here, maybe there was a hole missing where he should be, but that didn’t stop the rest of them from being as obnoxiously proud of their youngest. 

Jinyoung sat back down, waiting until the MC thanked everyone for coming and then dismissing them before he stood up to make his way backstage. The other five trailed behind him, Youngjae holding the bouquet of flowers that he insisted they buy for Yugyeom in celebration. 

He pushed his way through the crowds of people until he could see a familiar head of red hair above everyone else. He almost laughed at the sight; his Gyeommie, his youngest baby, was more or less a giant compared to everyone else, including himself. 

“Yugyeom!” BamBam called out when he deemed they were close enough, which was still a good twenty feet from where they stood. Either way, it got the maknae’s attention, and Jinyoung saw him politely brush off whoever he was talking to in order to turn his attention to his approaching family. 

BamBam was the first to barrel into him, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tight while yelling at him that he was the best damn dancer he had ever seen. Youngjae was next, calmer in his actions but Jinyoung could still see the gleam of tears in his eyes as he offered Yugyeom the flowers and told him how good he was. Jackson forced himself next, throwing his arms around him and pretending to cry, wailing that his little Gyeommie was all grown up now. Mark pushed him out of the way in order to pat his back and tell him he did a good job.

The last person to approach was Jinyoung, and as he walked up to him, the rest parted away, giving them some space. He felt a lump in his throat, and he couldn’t pinpoint why exactly he felt like crying, just knew that he felt the telltale signs of the prickling behind his eyes. 

Jinyoung didn’t always show his affection. He didn’t always explicitly say that he cared for someone, would sometimes prefer to tease and prod instead. Perhaps his ego seemed too big for that, he wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t necessarily his style.

Now, however, as he stepped up to Yugyeom, he couldn’t help but to slip up just a little. Jinyoung grabbed the sides of his face, looking him in the eyes as he spoke to him. “I am so proud of you, Yugyeom. So proud.” He told him, sealing the words with a small kiss to the forehead before he pulled the bigger boy into a tight hug.

It was silent for a little while with the occasional sniffle from Yugyeom, Jinyoung’s hand running up and down his back. And then-

“Eomma, where’s Appa?”

And Jinyoung’s world shattered at his feet.  
*  
The door clicked open at 11:43 p.m.

Not that Jinyoung was keeping track of the time, but, yeah, he actually was. 

He sat on the couch in the living room, lights off around him and a now long-empty beer bottle in his hand. He hadn’t had enough to get himself drunk, had only allowed himself the one beer, but looking up at the person toeing off their shoes at the door, he wished that he would have drank more. 

“Nice of you to finally make it home,” he finally said, setting up straighter and letting the bottle roll out of his fingertips to the floor. He thought of picking it up and throwing it at the other, just to get some sort of relief, but knew that it would do nothing but make the situation worse. 

Jaebum froze from where he was heading to the stairs, silhouetted by the moonlight shining through the window. In any other circumstances, Jinyoung would be thinking about how handsome he looked, at all the ways that he could write it down with words. Now, however, he felt nothing but a burning fury itching it’s way through his veins.

“Jinyoung-”

“No. Don’t you dare even start this shit, turning it back to me or making excuses.” Jinyoung cut him off before he could even begin, standing up from his seat. His voice was shaky, but he knew it was from the frustration that had been building up in him for weeks, now. “Where were you, huh? Where the fuck were you? Yugyeom, he was asking for you, he wanted you there. Did that mean nothing to you?”

Jinyoung raised his voice with every word, taking steps closer and closer until he was right in front of Jaebum. The kids were long since in bed, it would just be the two of them awake, and he was ready to lay it all out on the line. He figured now was his chance. 

“What’s your problem, huh? Why are you being like this anyway? What have we done to you that is so bad you can’t stand to be around us?” He asked, and his voice was more or less a full blown yell at this point. Jinyoung was tired, he was hurt, he was angry. He didn’t even think he could properly voice his thoughts, but he figured he may as well try. 

“I had work, I told you that if you would’ve actually listened to me earlier instead of doing whatever the fuck it is you do.” Jaebum snarled out, and he had his hands clenched at his sides in tight fists, a stern look on his face.

So this was going to be what it was like, right? Jinyoung had a feeling no one was going to win tonight.

“Are you kidding me, JB? You make it sound like I do nothing and we both know that isn’t true.”

“Is it, though? All you do is sit on your ass and expect the world to be handed to you! You go prancing around here like you’re their - their mom, when they’re grown men! They don’t need you Jinyoung, drop the act.” Jaebum seethed back, and this time, he was the one stepping forward so they were chest to chest.

Jinyoung opened his mouth to say something, but found his throat dry, the words caught in his mouth. With the slight height difference between the two of them, Jaebum lingering over him, he had never felt smaller. Jaebum saw this and continued.

“I spend all fucking day working to provide for all of you, and yet you’re the one who thinks he deserves something. Maybe if you were a goddamn normal boyfriend, I wouldn’t have to stay out late just to keep away from you.” Jaebum finished, heat behind his eyes that Jinyoung could practically feel from the way he had leaned down to stare right into his own. 

Something inside of Jinyoung snapped then, something sinister and livid. “Out!” He screamed, putting his hands up and pushing at Jaebum’s chest to push him back. “Get the fuck out!” He kept pushing, kept pushing, hands pressing on Jaebum until he was close to the door again. 

“You can’t-” Jaebum started, but was cut off when Jinyoung just screeched and picked up the closest thing to him, which was a book on the table nearby, and threw it right at his head. Jaebum ducked just in time for it to hit the wall behind him instead. 

Jaebum tried to step closer, the weight of his words beginning to settle in with him. Jinyoung only reacted with another “Go!” before launching a game controller at him this time. “Calm the fuck down, Jinyoung!” He yelled back, aware of the noise they were causing. This time when Jinyoung stepped up to him, his instinct took over and he raised his arms up and pushed out.

Except he must have did it a little harder than he expected, because Jinyoung stumbled back into the table, losing his footing and hitting his head on the corner of it when he fell forward. 

The cry that rang out from the action was enough to have Jaebum’s eyes widening in fear, back pressing against the door. It dawned on him, then, who it was that he was fighting with and what he had said to them. 

“Just go, please. Get out.” Jinyoung said from his spot on the ground, laying on his stomach from where he had fallen forward instead of backward, arms bunched up under him. If Jaebum squinted, he could see a few drops of blood on the floor. He was no longer screaming, his voice a raspy whisper that showed his vulnerability at the moment. “I don’t want to see you. If that’s what you think, then just leave. Get out while you can.” 

Jaebum took one look at the crumpled figure on the floor, grabbed his shoes, and left before Jinyoung had a chance to wonder how his life had turned to such hell.  
*  
It was Mark that carried him up to his and Jackson’s room.

Jinyoung, he didn’t know how much time had passed from the moment Jaebum had walked out the door to now, where he was laying curled up in between Mark and Jackson and letting them pet his hair and tell him he’s okay. He probably would have stayed on that floor much longer if they hadn’t have came, and there was a part of him that was grateful for his friends.

The bigger part of him, though, was simply heartbroken.

He wasn’t sure when the sobs had started wracking their way through his body, but by the time Mark had found him, his face was wet and the collar of his shirt was soaked with tears. His hip stung from the initial hit of the table, and he could feel the whole left side of his face throbbing from having fallen as well, but none of that seemed to come close to the pain he was feeling in his chest. 

As Mark picked him up from the ground and gathered him in his arms (which was a little impressive for someone of his size and build), Jinyoung was distinctly aware of other voices behind him. The hushed whisper of the word “Eomma” was enough to cause a fresh round of tears from the man.

Normal. Normal. They don’t need you.

The words repeated themselves in his head over and over again, and he refused to look at anyone as he was carried to the other couple’s shared room. He didn’t have it in him to say he wanted to go to his own bed, mostly because he knew all it would do was remind him of Jaebum.

Instead, he just closed his eyes and kept them like that the whole way to the room. He kept his eyes closed as he was sat down in the bed and gently peeled out of his shirt. He kept his eyes closed when someone pressed a warm cloth to the side of his face, only to be replaced by an ice pack later. He kept his eyes closed when he was tucked in between two warm bodies, arms wound tight around him and keeping him together. 

He didn’t stop crying once.  
*  
When Jinyoung awoke, he was alone. 

This was the first time he had waken up like this in a long time, and it only caused the pain and dread inside of himself to deepen. His throat felt scratchy, his body felt sore from the fall, and his eyelids felt like sandpaper every time he blinked. Reaching up, he could feel bandage and gauze on the side of his face, something Mark must have done when he was asleep in order to cover whatever had happened to him.

Feeling the texture of it beneath his fingertips reminded him that he hadn’t just dreamt the whole thing but that it actually happened. Jaebum had left, Jaebum had pushed him, Jaebum had said those terrible things to him. Thinking about it made him want to cry some more.

“Finally awake?” He heard a soft voice call from the other side of the room, and when he turned his head, he saw Jackson sitting at the desk. It reminded him that he was in their room, wrapped in their blankets, and he sat up sheepishly. 

Opening his mouth, Jinyoung found that he couldn’t produce any words, only a little squeak coming out. The action made him freeze for a moment before he buried his face in his hands, tears welling up in his eyes yet again.

He was a mess. 

“Hey, hey, no. No more crying, yeah? It’s okay, just take some water.” Jinyoung could hear Jackson moving around before a hand was on his back and a cold bottle was pressed to his forearm. 

He slowly pulled his hands down, grabbing the already uncapped bottle and raising it to his lips. He ended up downing the whole thing before he spoke again, the cool water soothing the dryness of his throat. “Thank you,” He whispered, setting his eyes to the ground.

Jackson was quiet for a moment, simply squeezing his shoulder and then rubbing his hand in small circles on Jinyoung’s back. It dawned on Jinyoung that Jackson had probably never seen him like this, but he didn’t have it in him to feel embarrassed at the moment. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jinyoung thought about that for a moment. Did he? Jackson, although he was a bit of a pistol and always had a flair for dramatics, was a good listener and an even better friend. He would support Jinyoung while he cried, would worry about him immensely. He would care. 

“Not right now,” He found himself saying, hesitantly sliding an arm around Jackson and pulling him in for a hug that he so desperately needed at the moment. He just wanted to be held, wanted to be told things were fine. “Not now, but later. Just not now.” 

Jackson didn’t say anything, simply wrapped his arms around him and held him tight while whispering that things would work out. It was exactly what Jinyoung needed, and when Mark walked in ten minutes later, they were still in that same position, Jinyoung’s face buried in his neck.

“Jinyoungie,” Mark began, causing the other to reluctantly pull away from the warm embrace of his friend. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up. A warm bath would probably be good for you right now, yeah? Then we can eat something and… Talk.” 

If it was anyone else saying this to him, Jinyoung may have gotten upset. He may have told them he would do what he wanted, and that he would only talk when he was ready.

Mark was nothing but sweet, though, and Jinyoung knew he only had the best intentions. The oldest boy was attuned to his surroundings, and had a level head on his shoulders. Jinyoung trusted him right now more than he probably trusted anyone else. 

 

That’s how he found himself in his own shower a mere twenty minutes later, after another group hug from the two boys. He skillfully avoided any of the maknae’s, deciding that he didn’t want them to see him in the state that he was in, slipping into his shared room and going straight to the shower.

Seeing Jaebum’s favorite body wash and razor inside of the shower stall had him breaking down again. In a fit of rage, he grabbed it, opened the curtain, and threw it as hard as he could against the wall, the bottle making a loud banging noise before falling to the ground. 

Jinyoung stood there for a moment. And then another. Then he started crying yet again, partly because he was still so upset with Jaebum but also he felt so stupid for getting mad at a bottle of shower gel. 

He finished up his shower quickly after that, drying himself off with the biggest towel they owned and then walking out to his room to pull on some clothes. 

Looking at the closet after he had pulled on some boxers, he wasn’t sure what possessed him to do it. Maybe it was habit, maybe it was something else, he didn’t know, but he grabbed Jaebum’s sweatshirt, pulling it over his head. It was too large, soft with use and the lettering of their old University wearing off on the front. When Jinyoung inhaled, he could smell the mix of laundry detergent and Jaebum’s favorite aftershave.

After pulling on a pair of basketball shorts, Jinyoung made his way downstairs, following the soft sound of clattering in the kitchen to where he figured Mark would be. He was right, Mark was there, but so were the rest of the residents of the house. When five pairs of eyes looked up at him, he could sense pity in every single one.

Pity. Jinyoung wondered just how much they had heard last night, if they heard the words that Jaebum had yelled at him, had seen the small fight that had ensued. Well, Jinyoung wouldn’t consider it a fight, since no actual punches were thrown, but with the way the side of his face was aching and he could feel the bandages pull tight across his cheekbone, he figured it may as well have been one.

Subconsciously, he turned his head to the side, hiding the left part of his face. He hadn’t had the courage to look in the mirror this morning, but judging from the pain, he had banged himself up on the table pretty badly. He didn’t want the others to see the vulnerability.

Jinyoung considered turning around and leaving, but decided against it. Running wouldn’t solve anything. It wouldn’t make last night a dream and it wouldn’t stop the others from worrying. He walked slowly to the table and sat down, glancing quickly to the three kids across from him.

They had always been relatively easy to read, and now was no exception. BamBam seemed nothing short of terrified, eyes wide and hands clutching a silver spoon he was using to eat a bowl of cereal. Yugyeom was staring down at the table, shoulders stiff and back straight. Youngjae, well, Youngjae simply looked like he was going to burst into tears at any given moment. 

The thought that he was the cause of all of this was enough to cover his face with his hands, his lips quivering with the weight of the guilt settling upon him heavily. He had caused this despair in the household. He had caused the tense atmosphere. Hell, he had even caused Jaebum to hate him, to leave him. 

It was all his fucking fault and he didn’t think he could handle that. 

Without another word, he stood back up, any hope of acting normal gone as he all but bolted up to his room, slamming the door and locking it behind him.

By the time the sound of several pairs of footsteps reached the other side of the door, Jinyoung was already broken.  
****  
Jinyoung didn’t leave the room for the rest of the day. 

He had finally managed to drag himself off the floor to the bed, burying himself in the covers. The pillow under his cheek (which may or may not have been Jaebum’s) was wet with the tears that didn’t seem to stop, causing the fabric to be itchy and uncomfortable but he couldn’t find it in himself to care that much. 

The world seemed to be crumbling around him. And, okay, even he could admit that was a little dramatic, but this was hard. Jinyoung had boyfriends before Jaebum, sure, he had never loved anyone like he had loved Jaebum. At the time, he also didn’t have three practically-adopted children that depended on the two of them. When he had ended things with everyone else, it was easy to shrug his shoulders and admit that he would move on. 

Now, though, he couldn’t even begin to start that process. Jaebum had been the color to his world, the splash of something exciting and different and exactly what he needed. Before Jaebum, Jinyoung was nothing more than the quiet kid in the back of the class that preferred to have his nose stuck in a book rather than socialize with the people around him. Jaebum had brung something out of him that he didn’t know existing, made him daring and open and the person that he was today. 

Then he left. 

What made the fact even worse was the others. It was like this - Jinyoung and Jaebum was very obviously in a relationship, and they loved each other, but they also had three other people in that relationship. Three people that were now suffering because they couldn’t keep their shit together, apparently. Mark and Jackson, they were affected too, Jinyoung could tell by the way they had looked at him with such sad eyes.

It was all his fault. 

He didn’t even know where he had went wrong, when Jaebum had stopped loving him and their family like he used to. He couldn’t pinpoint an exact time where he could tell the feelings changed, tried his damnedest to figure it out, but all he was drawing were blanks. 

A knock on the door startled him out of his depressing thoughts. Jinyoung had no intention of answering it at first, not wanting to face whoever was on the other side. He wasn’t stupid; he had heard the comings and goings of others outside his door all day. At one point, he had even heard Yugyeom practically whining on the other side, banging his fists against the wood.

Jinyoung didn’t like people worrying about him. The thought that he was causing stress among others made him feel shameful enough that he didn’t want to face them at all. 

This time, a soft voice greeted him on the other side of the door. “Jinyoung-ah? It’s Mark hyung. Can you let me in so I can talk to you? I promise it’s just me out here.” Jinyoung didn’t answer at first, but he did sit up in the bed. After a minute, Mark continued, his voice never changing from the sweet tone. It was comforting to Jinyoung. “Open the door, please. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Jinyoung sat there for another 30 seconds, debating whether or not he would gain anything by letting him in. In the end, he figured that his safest bet of any company would be Mark. He was comforting naturally, and wouldn’t push Jinyoung too much to talk about the things that he didn’t want to. 

Rolling himself out of the cocoon of blankets he had made himself on the bed, Jinyoung padded his way to the door, bare feet sliding against the hardwood floors. The click of the lock almost seemed deafening when he turned it, and Jinyoung was quick to turn and make his way back to the bed. 

He was already snuggled back under the blankets, which were pulled up halfway over his face in an attempt to hide how pitiful he knew he probably looked. It dawned on him that he hadn’t bothered to eat all day, and though he had showered, he still felt dirty. The bandage on his face felt stuck to his skin, and Jinyoung was too scared to look in the mirror and see what that looks like. His body was sore, too, and when his hoodie had ridden up earlier, Jinyoung had spotted a patch of purple skin blooming across his hip. 

In all, it was safe to say he wasn’t doing the best. 

Jinyoung didn’t look up as he heard the soft pattering of feet walk across the floor, and he didn’t look up when he felt the bed dip next to his legs, signaling Mark had taken a seat. For some reason, he felt like he almost couldn’t face his friend, like the other would succumb to treating him the same why Jaebum had. 

That was a scary thought, to say the least. He had already heard enough verbal abuse from one person he cared for, he didn’t need to hear it from another. 

Of course, he knew he was being irrational. He knew that Mark wouldn’t spit any venomous words at him or make him feel like a bigger pile of shit. In fact, he didn’t even ask how he was doing, and Jinyoung was thankful for that. The question would seem artificial, and that wasn’t what he needed right now. 

“What did he say to you, Young-ah? The kids, they - they heard some of it, I think. Won’t really say much about it, but they were already there by the time me and Jackson got to you last night. They looked so… sad.” Mark said softly, and if Jinyoung listened close enough, he could actually hear the worry seeping into his voice.

He wondered if Mark mentioned that purposely. If he had talked about the maknaes as a ruse to get him to talk. He wouldn’t necessarily be surprised; everyone knew that Jinyoung’s biggest soft spot was for those three boys, and the easiest way to get to him was through them.

“He said he wanted someone normal, Mark hyung. What…” Jinyoung turned his face into his pillow, unable to finish his sentence. The words were lodged into his throat, cutting off his air supply and making it hard to breathe.

It was harder to face the situation when he actually acknowledged it like he just did, unable to pretend to be blissfully unaware of just how much the words had stabbed him in the back. A tear rolled down his cheek before he could stop it, and he squeezed his eyes shut as tight as they could go to keep any more from leaking out. 

“I think you should know,” Mark started after another few moments of silence. Jinyoung felt a warm hand place itself on top of the comforter covering his shoulder, giving him a small squeeze. “Jaebum, he - he stopped by earlier. Demanded to see you and all that. Jackson kept him back, though. He looked pretty shitty, Jirongie.” 

Jinyoung couldn’t help the way that his body froze up at the words, and damnit, he hated that he was upset that someone had stopped him from seeing Jaebum, even though he hated him at the moment. Emotions were flooding him, sending a pounding through his head that made it hard to think straight. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Jinyoung finally murmured out, peeking out from his cocoon so that he could look at the other boy. 

“Because you deserved to know. I’m not making excuses for him, I’m not, because what he did was fucked up. But he does look sorry, and we all know how JB gets when he’s mad.” Mark stated, patting his leg twice this time before standing up. “Just something to think about.” 

With that, Mark exited the room yet again, taking what was left of Jinyoung’s sanity with him.  
****  
It all changed a week and a half later. 

Jinyoung had stopped crying by the third day, and was up and on his feet by the fifth day. He was just a dulled down version of himself, half of the personality that he used to be. He found it hard to function when he still felt so broken inside. 

Things were different, though, that day. There was a certain buzz in the air, as if even the surroundings knew something was about to happen. It went a little like this:

Jinyoung was sitting at the dining table with papers spread around him, his laptop open, and his favorite mug filled to the brim with the organic green Jackson had a knack for making. He was working on an article for the magazine he edited, something that he didn’t always do but it was a welcome distraction nowadays. 

“Jinyoung! Jinyoung-Eomma, I’m sorry!” Yugyeom screeched from somewhere in the front room, voice getting louder the closer that he got to the dining room Jinyoung was at. Jinyoung’s head snapped up immediately, the pen he was holding in his hand toppling to the ground after a small clank from hitting the kitchen table. 

He was just about to ask what in the world it was that caused the baby to be screaming apologies through the house when he saw it. 

Saw him.

Jaebum.

Without realizing it, he had stood up so hard his chair tipped over, the sound of it hitting the floor resonating throughout the room. Jinyoung suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. The walls seemed to be getting closer and closer, making the air murky with something that cut off his airways. 

“Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebum sighed out, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. Jinyoung wondered if he ran in here, noticing the way his chest was puffing in and out more than usual. A second later, Yugyeom popped up behind him, a bewildered look on his face. 

“I’m sorry, Eomma! He - he tricked me! And then he just - he just came in here and I couldn’t stop him!” Yugyeom exclaimed quickly, shooting Jaebum a nasty glare that wasn’t acknowledged by the other. 

Jinyoung looked between the two panting boys in front of him, absently reaching up to rub at his throat. The feeling that he couldn’t get any air was only getting stronger, and he had the sudden thought that he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t face Jaebum. His heart wouldn’t let him. “Yugyeom, go upstairs to your room. I can deal with this.”

He couldn’t do it, but he would have to anyway. 

Yugyeom looked like he was about to protest, but one look from Jinyoung had him snapping his mouth shut and turning on his heel, scurrying out of the dining room. 

And then it was just him and Jaebum. 

“Why-” Jinyoung started, forcing himself to look at Jaebum. He was going to be strong, because he had already spent too damn long crying over the man standing before him now. “The actual fuck are you here?” 

Jinyoung was proud that his voice hadn’t waved when he spoke. 

Jaebum, for possibly the first time since Jinyoung had met him, looked regretful as he dropped his gaze to his shoes. “Because,” Jinyoung could see him take in a deep breath. “I love you. I love you and I love everyone else here. I know I fucked up--”

“You don’t fucking say,” Jinyoung interrupted, feeling the anger start to rage under his skin yet again. 

“I know I fucked up,” Jaebum continued, looking up at Jinyoung and meeting his eye. The little outburst from the other seemed to spur him on. Jinyoung could see the confidence leaking back into him bit by bit. “But I’m here to set it right. Jinyoung, baby--”

“No.” Jinyoung interrupted once more, eyes narrowing. He would have taken a step back, but the knocked over chair was right behind his feet, effectively trapping him between that and the table. “No, you don’t get to call me that. Not anymore.” 

Jaebum visibly flinched at the words. It was a nickname that he used quite often with Jinyoung, and it used to be something that made his heart flutter in a way that had him worrying it would fly right out of his chest. “Alright, I deserved that. But just hear me out. Please, ba-Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung should say no. He knew he should say no. Jaebum had been ashamed to be with him. He was embarrassed to be in the family that Jinyoung had sculpted himself. He didn’t deserve to have a second chance, not when he was the reason why they couldn’t work out the first time. 

The phantom pain of the area that was hit when Jaebum pushed him to the ground throbbed on the side of his face, and he had to tell himself not to reach up and grab at it. If he looked in the mirror, he was sure he could still see the discolored spots around the high part of his cheek bone where the bruises there and at his eye hadn’t completely went down. 

“2 minutes.” Came out instead of the no he thought was resting on his tongue. His mouth made an audible clicking sound as it snapped shut, his head turning to the side and his eyes closing. He couldn’t look at him, not right now. He could be strong later. 

“Alright, I can work with that.” Jaebum answered, and a few shuffling noises indicated that Jaebum had moved from the doorway. A moment later, Jinyoung heard one of the other dining chairs scrape across the floor. He didn’t open his eyes. “I don’t… I don’t even know where to begin. 

“I didn’t mean any of the shit I told you. I want you to know that. I need you to know that. You are and have always been the best thing to ever happen to me. It’s just… God, I’m going to sound like a real ass.” Jinyoung wanted to interject that he already was, but he decided it was better not to. “The guys at the office heard me one day on the phone. You had called me, but I was doing something else so I put it on speaker. The others were on the line with you. I didn’t think anything of it, Jinyoung, I really didn’t. Them, on the other hand…”

Jinyoung really didn’t want to hear anymore. So he was right. Jaebum had been embarrassed of not only him, but the others as well. “You were ashamed of us.” He said softly, his voice betraying the fact that he wasn’t nearly as strong as he seemed at first. Now he just felt small. 

“No.” Jaebum said so firmly that it had Jinyoung peeking his eyes open to glance at him. His fists were clenched on the table, and Jinyoung had the bizarre thought that he could use those against him one day. “Jinyoungie, no. I… okay, at one point, yeah. They were ruthless. I defended you all at first, but.. They wouldn’t stop. It was constant. I think they made me feel so bad about myself, like I was doing something wrong, and I took it out on you instead of talking through it with you. It was a mistake.”

Silence was palpable in the air after that. Jinyoung didn’t know what to say. The confirmation that at the time of their breakup, Jaebum really had been detached due to the fact that he couldn’t stand the dynamics of the house, was heartbreaking to him. 

Jinyoung could feel Jaebum staring at him, but he didn’t allow himself to stare back. His head was rushing, blood pumping so loud that he could hear it. He was starting to get shaky, faint, and he had to reach out and grab the table in front of him just to steady himself. 

“Jinyoung, Jinyoung. Hey, calm down. It’s okay, you’re okay.” He heard Jaebum say distantly, and he didn’t realize how heavily he was breathing until Jaebum’s voice floated to his ears. He looked up with clouded eyes, fingers gripping the table so tightly his knuckles were white. 

He hadn’t had any sort of anxiety attack in years, since he was in middle school in fact. The events that had been taking place in the past few weeks had been building up inside of him, and the words from Jaebum - though meant as an apology - was simply too much for him to handle. 

He realized he was shaking when his legs gave out from underneath him, his knees slamming into the ground and his back missing the leg of the knocked over chair by a few mere inches. He vaguely heard the chair Jaebum was sitting in scraping across the ground loudly, but he couldn’t focus himself enough to actually look over at the scene. 

Jinyoung tried to look up when he felt warmth on his cheeks from hands cupping his face, but he couldn’t get his eyes to clear up enough for him to see. It clicked with him that he was starting to pant in order to attempt to get air into his lungs, and he reached up to grip onto the wrists of the person holding him. His nails dug into the skin from the force of which he was clenching onto it, though he didn’t pay much mind to that right now. 

The feeling of lightheadedness was becoming too much for Jinyoung to handle, and he almost thought that he was going to pass out from it. Except, that wasn’t possible. After a particularly bad episode when he was younger, he was informed that although he may feel as if he was going to pass out, the possibilities of that were extremely low. 

Regardless, Jinyoung couldn’t think that he could take too much of the feeling that was bubbling up inside of him. His eyes grew wide in an attempt to look at Jaebum one last time before he closed them firmly, giving into the feeling as it overtook him like a tidal wave. His body sagged forward, forfeiting the fight to keep it up. It was almost like he was underwater; aware of his surroundings, but they were all fuzzy and the pressure was getting too much for him. 

He was faintly aware of the fact that he was lifted off the ground, but for right now, he was more worried about getting rid of the unwanted feeling. He could still feel his chest heaving in and out, hyperventilating as a way to get the breath he couldn’t seem to find. There were voices around him, but he couldn’t pinpoint where they were coming from or who they were coming from. 

It seemed, then, too easy to just succumb to the feeling in his chest. With his eyes closed, he realized just how tired he actually was. Exhausted, even. He didn’t know when the last time he slept soundly was, his thoughts too preoccupied with the hurt of missing Jaebum and a fresh break up. 

So Jinyoung did what his body was telling him to; he relaxed his eyes, cleared his head, and went to sleep.  
****  
When he woke up, he felt disoriented. 

There was a phantom ache in his body, as if he had suffered from a hours upon hours of a tiring workout without actually having done any of it. He didn’t open his eyes, instead letting the memories of what had happened wash over him. 

Jaebum. The confrontation. The truth. Jaebum had been ashamed, but he was ready to step up again, if Jinyoung was interpreting things correctly. Then he remembered the anxiety attack that he had, the first one he had in years and the reason why he was here like this now. He couldn’t help but to let out a little whimper. 

“Jaebum,” He whispered out, his throat scratchy, no doubt from the hyperventilating he did during the attack. The name rolled off his tongue before he realized just who he was asking for, but even then, he knew that he didn’t want to take it back. He wanted - no, needed - his Jaebum, needed the comfort that only he could provide him. 

Jinyoung cracked his eyes open, observing the room around him. It was not his own, he noticed. Rather, it was Mark’s and Jackson’s. He noted that this was the second time that he had woken up here, both over the same person but for completely different reasons. 

His eyes wandered over to where Mark was standing up from his desk chair, the look on his face showing that he had definitely heard what Jinyoung had said. 

For some reason, it made Jinyoung upset. He loved Mark, he really did, but that wasn’t who he wanted right now. 

“Jaebum,” He repeated again, louder this time. His head shook when Mark walked closer, making no effort to turn and retrieve the person that he wanted the most. 

“Jinyoungie, I don’t think that’s the best idea.” Mark said calmly, finally reaching the bed that Jinyoung was laying on. 

Jinyoung narrowed his eyes at his friend, shaking his head yet again. “No, no. I don’t care. I want Jaebum. I need to see him.” He said urgently. The more he thought about what Jaebum said, the more he realized that it was silly. It was all so dreadfully silly; the fight, the explanation, the fact that he was trying so hard to stay mad at him. 

As he sat there, he realized that he no longer needed to be upset with Jaebum. Had he made a mistake? Of course he did, and Jinyoung wouldn’t forget that. But he could forgive, considering Jaebum had seemed truly sorry for what he did. 

Love was a fickle thing. It was ongoing, it was fierce, and it was hard. Jinyoung truly believed that now more than he ever did. Yet it was worth the fight. Jinyoung wasn’t going to deny himself the love he knew he resided between him and Jaebum simply because the “normal” thing to do would be to hold a grudge. 

When Mark didn’t make any sort of move to bring the one that Jinyoung wanted to him, he decided to take matters into his own hands. He was aware that he probably sounded like he was throwing a fit, just like he always told the kids not to do, but he didn’t care. What he cared about was seeing his love again and finding out whether or not they were okay. 

Jinyoung was tired, so tired. Not necessarily physically, but mentally. He had just been through alot, suffered through something that he didn’t really think he would have to go through again. Forgive him if he was a little whiny for wanting the one person he knew would make it all okay. 

“Jaebum!” Jinyoung screeched out, sure that he would still be in the house. After the episode that had transpired, he was positive that not even a bulldozer could make Jaebum leave. “Jaebum! I want Jaebum!” 

Watching the color drain from Mark’s face was oddly satisfying. Mark was always calm and collected, always knew the right thing to do. But that wasn’t what Jinyoung wanted right now, and he wanted to make sure Mark understood that. 

Tears welled up in Jinyoung’s eyes to their own accord, and he began to push himself up so he could climb out of the bed and find him himself. He felt weak, the after effects of the anxiety attack still settled in his bones, but he decided that it wasn’t enough to get him to stop. Not even Mark, who had placed a warning hand on his shoulder, could get him to stop. He only shrugged the hand off and continued, whimpering out his old lover’s name as a mantra. 

The only thing that stopped him, with tear tracks now staining his cheeks, was the sound of hurried foot steps coming up the steps leading to the room. 

“You shouldn’t go in there!” Jinyoung heard a voice, undoubtedly belonging to Jackson, exclaim from somewhere down the hall. 

“Fuck off telling me what I shouldn’t do. Do you not hear him?” Another voice boomed, and Jinyoung froze from where he was trying to get up because there it was. There he was. 

Jaebum. 

It wasn’t but five seconds later when there was a sound right outside the door, and then it was busting open, revealing the two people in the doorway. And there he was, the only one that Jinyoung really wanted. More tears slipped down his face without him realizing it. 

Jaebum wasted no time in crossing the room to get to him, ignoring the worried glances of Mark and Jackson. Oh well, Jinyoung thought. They wouldn’t understand right now anyway. 

He tilted his head back when Jaebum came closer, allowing him to observe him even more. “Jaebum,” He whispered one last time, reaching his arms up for him instantly. 

Jaebum didn’t hesitate to lift him up under the armpits, only to sit down and settle him on his lap. They were chest to chest, Jinyoung’s legs bracketing Jaebum’s thighs and his head buried into his neck. One of Jaebum’s hands were tangled in the back of his hair, the other squeezing around his waist so tightly that Jinyoung almost thought he would bruise. “Shh, you’re okay now. We’re going to be okay.”

The words were enough for Jinyoung to let it out; he started crying freely, because he was so tired and relieved to have this behind him for now. He wrapped his arms around Jaebum tightly, murmuring apology after apology that he had to be here like this, that he was such a mess, that he was the reason why Jaebum had left in the first place. 

Jaebum only answered back that he was sorry himself, but it was all in the past now. He was here now, he told Jinyoung, and Jinyoung believed him. 

Jinyoung recognized the sound of the click of the door, and figured it was probably Mark and Jackson giving up in order to give them privacy. Jinyoung was grateful for that. He was frustrated with them at first, yes, but he knew they only had his best interest in mind. They caved anyway, and he knew that they would support him in any decision he made. 

It fell quiet as they sat there, just holding each other. Jinyoung stopped crying, the only sound the ragged breaths he was drawing in from doing so. All he could think of was the fact that this feeling - the comfort of being in the home of Jaebum’s arms - was exactly why he had wanted him in the first place. 

A comforting hand rubbed up and down his spine when he finally moved himself back, though it was just enough so that he could see Jaebum’s face completely. Jaebum didn’t say anything or push him to speak, instead only raised his eyebrows in a way that encouraged him to speak when he was ready. 

“Thank you for coming here.” Jinyoung finally said quietly, his hands coming around to rest on Jaebum’s shoulders. He did not move, didn’t think he could even if he wanted to. 

Jaebum’s face softened at the words, and he immediately moved his hands around to rest on Jinyoung’s waist, giving him a squeeze. “There’s no where else I would rather be.” A pause, and then he continued. “I’m really sorry, Jinyoung. Incredibly so. I know I messed up, but I’m ready now. Ready to take care of you, of all of you like I always should have.”

It was quiet again as Jinyoung let the words settle and seep into his skin. He played with the collar of the shirt Jaebum he was wearing just to give himself something to do, a sigh escaping his mouth a moment later. “I know you are,” He began, lifting his gaze to Jaebum. “And I won’t lie, it really hurt, what you did. But… But I’m ready too.

“Living without you… It was one of the hardest things I had to do. You really fucked it up, Jaebum, but I think we can make it work again. I think we can try, at least.”

Jaebum nodded his head, and then it was silent again, Jinyoung leaning his head back down onto his shoulder once more. They stayed like that for God knows how long, simply enjoying the presence of the other. 

Things may not be perfect, but they were going to be okay. Somehow, they were going to be okay.  
****  
Jaebum moved back in a week later. 

During that week, he visited them everyday. Slowly, things were starting to turn back around. Jinyoung spoke with him a lot during this week, mending the broken pieces and putting them back together. 

By the time that he moved back in, Jinyoung had full confidence that things would, for the most part, be back to the way things were. There were still things they had to work on, but he didn’t doubt that it couldn’t be done. In fact, this was the best week that he had in weeks, maybe even months. 

The morning he was to move back in was the happiest Jinyoung had experienced for a while. He walked down to fix breakfast already showered and dressed in his favorite cardigan and slacks, sleeves rolled up in order to cook. 

He fixed a big breakfast before anyone even woke up, making all the favorites of the people of the household. It was all done with a smile on his face and a skip to his step, his phone sitting on the counter and playing out his favorite playlist. 

Youngjae was the first to stumble his way down the steps, rubbing at his eyes and still clad in the old plaid pajama bottoms Jaebum had bought him some time ago. Jinyoung glanced over at him and paused what he was doing for a moment, setting the spatula he had been using to flip pancakes down in favor of walking over to the younger.

“Ah, Youngjae-ah.” He murmured, going up to the boy and cupping his face in his hands. “Did you sleep well, baby?” He asked in the motherly tone that he hadn’t used in quite a while with them. 

Youngjae must have noticed that, too, his eyes widening slightly before he quickly nodded his head. Youngjae was the most comforted by the actions like that, by the sweet words and acts as if he was younger than he actually was. 

Jinyoung recognized the fact that he was the mother hen to three grown boys may not sit well with everyone, but he also recognized the fact that it worked for them. 

“I’m glad. Sit, we’ll be eating soon. Do you know if the other boys are close to getting up? Or Mark and Jackson?” He asked the boy as he released him to move back to the stove, allowing the other to place himself in the seat. 

Youngjae hummed, and Jinyoung could tell he was still half asleep, bless him. “Mhmm. I could hear noise in Gyeom’s and Bammie’s room, so I’m guessing they’re up. And I saw Jackson in the hallway heading to the bathroom, so he and Mark will be down soon.”

Jinyoung nodded to show that he had heard him, focusing back on the food in front of him. He wanted to make today perfect, and in order to do that, he would have to have everyone here. 

Soon enough, Mark and Jackson had drifted into the kitchen. Jinyoung had greeted them with a cheery “good morning” and finished up the last of his food. The last two to enter the kitchen was Yugyeom and BamBam, straggling in with sleep clouding their eyes and their feet dragging on the ground. Jinyoung couldn’t help but to smile at the sight. 

Ten minutes later, the food was complete and laid out before everyone, who all helped themselves to their own plate. Jinyoung himself ate quietly but quickly, glancing at the clock countless times as if he was willing it to go faster. 

“Excited about JB moving back in?” Jackson said conversationally, but Jinyoung could sense the smile on his face even before he looked over to see it himself. 

“Yes,” Jinyoung responded, pushing his plate up in a show that he was done with it. “I’m ready to have our family back together.” He finished, a slightly sheepish smile on his face. 

Jackson gave him a smile back in return, but didn’t say anything else. Instead, it was BamBam who spoke next. “I think you should go rest, Eomma. You cooked such a big meal for us, the least we can do is clean it up.”

The words sunk in with Jinyoung, and he almost started tearing up while looking at the faces of the eager maknaes. God, why was he so emotional lately? It was just - his family meant so much to him. The fact that they were building their relationship back up meant everything to him and then some. 

He stood up without saying a word, going around the table to where the others were sitting. He took his time kissing each of their foreheads, stopping at Yugyeom since he was the last in line. He brushed his hair out of his eyes, noting that he probably needed a little trim, and smiled gratefully to his boys. 

“Thank you, boys. You mean so much to Eomma, I hope you know that.” Jinyoung said sincerely. With one last kiss to the top of Yugyeom’s head and a pat on Youngjae’s shoulder, he exited the dining room to go to the living room. 

Things were falling right back into place, and he couldn’t be happier about it.  
****  
Jaebum arrived that night at five in the evening. 

It didn’t take the family long to get moved back in, considering he hadn’t really taken anything with him when he had left in the first place. By eight, they had already ate a dinner (another grand affair that Jinyoung had insisted on) and was settled down on the couch to watch a movie. 

Jinyoung was sitting beside Jaebum, the upper half of his body resting against his and his arm resting over his shoulder. Jinyoung was holding onto that hand with his own, his other hand splayed out across Jaebum’s thigh. 

BamBam was laying across the couch beside him, his head in Jinyoung’s lap and his feet in Yugyeom’s, who was curled up with his head resting on the arm of the couch. Youngjae was sitting on the floor with his back to Jaebum’s legs, who was running his fingers through his hair in a comforting way. Mark and Jackson had taken the chair beside the couch, Mark half sitting on Jackson’s lap and looking more than content with that prospect. 

The air in the room was peaceful, quiet. It was not forced or tense, like Jinyoung was half expecting it to be. Things really had just clicked back together, the kids even (somewhat shyly) calling Jaebum Appa again. Jaebum smiled in encouragement when they did, letting them know that it was what he wanted again. 

Pausing from watching the movie, Jinyoung took a look around. This right here, it was his world. His everything. The people in this room meant more to him than he could ever express with words. 

This was what a family was. People who loved each other, who cared for each other. Maybe they had a bit of a rough patch, but all that mattered was they were here now. Apologies had been given and accepted, for every single thing that had happened. Words had been exchanged so they could learn and grow from what went on. 

Things weren’t perfect, not even close. But looking at his family finally together again at last, Jinyoung decided that he didn’t really care. 

After all, he knew they were going to be perfectly okay.

**Author's Note:**

> so there we have it. it turned out to be something much bigger than I imagined. If you made it this far, congratulations! You honestly deserve an award. 
> 
> As any writer would say, comments/kudos/basically anything always mean a lot. I was truly blown away by how many there were on the first work. I never thought this little idea I had would get even the littlest bit of attention. 
> 
> Since I have decided to make this a series, you are more than welcome to send in any sorts of prompts you want to see. I can't guarantee they'll be done quickly (if u can't already tell that) but I'll try my best. Thank you to anyone who took time to read what I write, it means the world to me.


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